here kitty kitty kitty...

yay i got a virtual pet! its name is kitty i haven't decided whether it should be a boy cat or a girl cat and it's really cute i made it black cos i don't think i'll want to see an orange cat (i was considering that) on my blog every day you can play with it too! it's friendly and cute i'm sure you'll like it. a children's day present for myself. in advance. yay! =p kitty is a rather unoriginal name for a cat but i don't care i like kitty it's easy to remember so there.

babble aside.
cats are good.

premature aging

after all the procrastination, i finally went swimming yesterday. but alas, it was grey and drizzly and there was no sun and furthermore the NIE pool sucks. it's so full of chlorine that my hair (and various other bits) died and after washing my hair 2 times there's still a faint smell of chlorine. and chlorine smells horrible. argh. still, i managed to swim some... though i think i spent more time playing with the lane markers (they're really fun! haha)... think i need to find a nicer pool if i am to swim regularly. a bigger and deeper pool. hmph.

Autumn Equinox, Mid-Autumn Festival, Lantern Festival, Mooncake Festival and whatever else people call it, wasn't really much... to date i still haven't eaten a single bit of mooncake. dunno why, didn't feel like i could stomach it. shrug.

my stomach is being weird again.. methinks it's still trying to get used to food... else it's having an identity crisis and thinks it's a gall bladder or something. sigh.

WMC WMC WMC... sigh. what am i to do about it.
i think i need a job.

i'm ok

hmmm thanks px for sending me concerned-sounding smses in the morning (my morning). i'm fine. nothing's wrong with me and it's a fact. oops. hope i didn't shock too many people. but perhaps only px is shocked at my occasional outburst of not-so-teenage angst. i'm not that fragile dear, and i don't think i'll ever be seriously suicidal. yup. haha. i'm fine, i'll work the stuff out eventually. so don't worry. =p really. *ponders* did i really sound that bothered when i last blogged? hmmm. hopefully not. reiteration: i'm fine, i'm not going to kill myself, i won't die of depression, i'm not going on a diet or a binge.

and anyway the silent jealousy is not mine. hahaha. =p and silent jealousy is the title of an extremely nice XJAPAN song. (which i haven't heard in a long time. maybe it's time to go J-rock again. and scare the hell out of people and myself. haha.)

today's test was horrible. think half the time i wasn't sure of the answers. sigh. do i absolutely have to memorize bio? hmph. but i keep getting things mixed up and i keep forgetting things i've seen before... so perhaps i should memorize. big sigh. dislike memorization. dislike rote learning. but well. shall see. bleurgh.

my aunt's birthday today. she's 35. like the year before and the year before that and the year before that. =p

and once again, i'm fine.
so there.

silent jealousy

today has been an interesting day. despite the bleary weather...

went walking around... when i'm supposed to be studying for tomorrow's test. hmmm... bleah. ah well look see a bit here and there... went to esplanade (on purpose, kinda) ... met 3 members of the trumpet section there... joked a bit with them... loo kit gave me the programme... felt rather sad i'm left out of the performance... but leng says it was lame. well. shrug. went grandma's house in the evening. played with the dog.. =)

i admit i wasn't in a great mood or anything today. probably frustrated more than one person with my blah-ness. sorry. and thank you for putting up with me. well the interesting highlight of the day was when i was in the car heading home. was initially slightly amused, then it became confusing. cos i dunno what to think what to feel. but well. i suppose i won't die. but this thing has forced us to rethink or positions and/or 'strategies'. aiyah whatever lah. i think i have more pressing issues to be bothered about right now. or i suppose i can be bothered about both simultaneously. well apparently my brain has ranked both things almost equal, for the time being. but pressing issues are pressing issues. matters of consequence.

should i start a get jx a sax fund and a get jx to kerkrade fund? lynette please donate generously. thanks.

sigh i just don't want to distress people. or trouble them. or scar them for life. it's so not me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PX !!!

this post is dedicated specially to the pea... =p

i see, woman, that you've caught up with the rest of us twennies. any thoughts to share? haha. well, here's hoping you have a nice funky birthday (and here's hoping your ricepot rice turns out ok too =p) ... and be happy, ok? don't be so stressed by your exciting homework... try to relax and have fun too! hahaha. hmmm. take care and i hope to see you soon! =)

love,
jx

once again...

please go and watch Les Choristes.
get the soundtrack too. =)
*obsessed*
i think i'm in love with the sound of the cor anglais... sigh.

today's test was ok. probably didn't mess it up. bleah.

why is it so humid. sigh.
i need dry weather and cold air.

meow

i am not a cow. not bovine in any way. definitely. hmph. so dun call me a cow or i'll....i'll.. i'll sit on you. hmph. *sulk*

anyway, i'm better now. more or less. stopped puking. stomach still wobbly jelly, but at least i can sort of walk without getting motion sickness. (walking fast is another story) hmmm. and i'm feeling hungry again... after days of not having a working digestive tract. improvement? but i can't eat much at any one sitting... i just need regular feeding. sigh. so maybe i'll gain weight quickly. not exactly a good idea.

i lost my EZlink card on the way to school this morning. couldn't get out from the station when i reached. hmph. i can't even remember what i did with it, cos usually i just put it in my pocket or bag and i'm so used to it that it becomes unconscious and i'll find it when i need it. reported the loss. got a card to last me the day. spent many money. sigh. then i came online and found this email (school acc) from this person saying that his friend found my card and i contact the friend person and i'm going to meet him tomorrow morning to get it back (friend person lives near me). and the funny thing was that the emailed was sent at around 10 in the morning meaning when i reported the loss my card was already found. waah. weird. totally.

in other news...

michelle's flute exam was today. think i didn't play so horribly that i ruined her exam. hmm. but that piano felt flabby and soft and... well, flaccid. cristofori. explains a lot. shrug. the room was very cold and the examiner looked scary. kinda like gollum. haha. and he's irish. and old. well.

i didn't fail my 204 test. yay. did ok enough considering i didn't mug super hard for it. neither did i cheat during the test, unlike some people you know who you are alaskan king crab and you-know-who-you-are. hee =p at least i got the parts i knew completely correct. haa. but it's not good enough lah. that i know. i also know what i have to do for the next test: study. for a change.

i'm now a member of the alliance française de singapour. found out that you just have to be a student of anywhere (not just the alliance) to get a student membership (meaning pay a lot less meaning good deal)... yay. so i just have to make myself hardworking enough to go down there once in a while (read regularly) to borrow stuff from the library (they call it a mediatheque). shldn't be much of a problem considering my current obsession with things french, learning french, practising french etc is still quite active.... in any case, congrats to me for becoming a member. of the order of the phoenix. haha.

this has been a long crappy post.
once in a long while i have many things to crap about.
and today's been a good day (in a series of rather bad ones). so why not? =)

sick cat / efficient weight loss

the horror.

i just lost about 3 kg. just by regurgitating 7 times in about as many hours and by liquifying my bowels and turning them inside out. gross. puking is such an energy-consuming process. almost died. couldn't eat or drink anything cos the system was in a state of self-denial. think it was the stomach discomfort that woke me up at 7 in the morning. got up and puked. and diarrhoea-ed. went to see doctor after 4th puke. got a bunch of pills. regurgitated the first batch i took. spent most of the day in bed. in one position. (because i'd puke if i moved) dehydration. fever. 39 deg. decreased to 38.3 at night. hypothalamus. corroded throat. forced myself to swallow a few mouthfuls of horrible-looking orange solution containing sodium chloride, potassium citrate, citric acid and glucose. krebs cycle. why did i think of that. sigh. it was about 8 at night when i felt confident enough to eat anything. nibbled at a piece of bread. tried not to puke. well. shrug. i can't remember having ever felt so weak and nua. zero energy. and shaky. didn't have total control over my hands.. weird. disgusting. woke up this morning feeling distinctly better. guts still feeling like jelly and i still feel giddy whenever i change orientation, but i'm not puking anymore. at least. shrug. didn't go to school today. meaning i missed the 202 test. sigh. not that i studied for it. die lah. will go school tomorrow, though i think i'll be feeling queasy and weird and jellied for a few days yet.

*croak*

this is my favourite place. it tops the current list. how i wish i can go back there. and stay there forever...

and... poof!

well.
i think i remembered seeing more people at MAF last year and the year before and the year before that. but well. it didn't seem as nice this year, somehow. due to a bit of everything. the decorations the lack of mad people the routine... i don't know. if this is the last MAF in HC it's an anticlimax. but i was glad i got to see some people i haven't seen in a long time. well. people whose paths haven't crossed with mine since like 2 years ago. hmm. so that was a bit of fun. and then i had to go and destroy my whole evening. (and maybe not just my evening) utterly. but that's another story.

well i got home quite early (no prizes for guessing why) and typed a long tirade to clear my head of murderous thoughts and watched QE to distract myself and ate nice chocolate ice-cream (with little chocolate cookie buttons in them and chocolate sauce) and now at least i don't feel like throwing myself out of the window. or killing anyone.
i think i just need to grow up a bit. i'm becoming this bitchy short-tempered person i can't stand. maybe my capacitors died. can't pack anything in them properly. they just screw the whole circuit board up. terrible.

and with all these things on my conscience, goodnight people.

i should've known this one... haa.

You are the Hermit card. The Hermit has chosen a
solitary spiritual path. He shines light on his
inner self and, by this means, gains wisdom.
The Hermit's home is the natural world and it
is by being in tune with that world that he
learns the laws of nature and learn how they
operate within himself. His path is a lonely
one as he lives in silence and has for
companionship only his own internal rhythms.
But those crossing his path are touched by his
light and wisdom. Though often alone, he
manages nevertheless to instruct those who meet
him and guides those who chose to follow him on
a path towards enlightenment. Image from The
Aleister Crowley Tarot deck.
http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/thoth/


Which Tarot Card Are You?
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ahhh!

i have n tests coming up and i'm so not prepared! ugh. and i have no idea how to phrase my answer for tutorial. sigh. going to die.

hmm later going HC... to kick-start the whole nostalgia thing again... hee. looking forward (somewhat) to seeing my classmates. and other people. i wonder how many people will ask me whether i'm (still) with jh. hahaha. stupidity. haven't thought of a smart answer to that. i daresay i'll think of one later. =p shrug.

i think i'm underfed. i ate only one meal yesterday (for some reason i wasn't feeling hungry and my stomach was on strike) and i'll most probably eat two today. ah well. forced-dieting. eek.

i think i'm liking QE, if only for the totally weird things they say. haha. it's quite educational, actually. funky. so thanks lynette for forcing me to watch the gay men. haha.
zzz...

rainy day

what a nice rainy day it is today. hmmm. woke up super late. didn't know i was so tired. long unbroken dreamless sleep. wow. didn't feel very tired or sleepy after coming home from chalet yesterday. watched like 6 eps of Queer Eye. (congratulate me) then did some painting... then some writing... but gave up halfway when a kamikaze beetle flew into my room and started crashing into the light and walls and everything. me i turned off all the lights and ran into bed and hid under the blanket. sigh. lala.

beeg heavy sheets of rain... monsoon style, the way i like it. want to go out get soaked in the rain... but probably a bad idea...for now. but i wants. hmph. haven't done thet properly since... JC. SIGH.

chalet was quite fun... didn't seem as crazy as the last time though..haha. watched some movies. Final Destination is ok if only there weren't so many loud sudden noises. hmph. and it rained quite a bit so we didn't do outdoors as much as i'd have liked to. heh. but we managed to get that bit of late-morning-to-early-afternoon sun though, and as a result lynette min huishan mich are sunburnt. haha. the lobsters. me i'm only a little burnt around the shoulders. sigh, need more sun. need more swim too. bleah. and now we're talking about maybe going swimming somewhat regularly after lessons. wonder if it'll happen and if we'll keep it up. haha... *ponders*

lala...
when i'm rich i'll buy the Plath poetry collection. shrug.

Honesty

with a silent H.
things i should say, things i should have said.
instead of the usual silence, the half-truths, the bare-faced lies.

sometimes i feel myself being envious of people in the army. stupid thing to feel i know, but it sounds like seems like fun in there, like some party. perhaps it's because right now quite a number of people i know and care about are in the army. including zaka. and sometimes i'm jealous of her because in a way she's done what i've talked about doing thought about doing but am too cowardly to. or am i just practical. no, not really. not practical. scaredy cat.
jealousy is an interesting emotion. it's totally useless, time and energy consuming, idiotic. yet rather commonplace. or perhaps envy is. shrug. whatever.

sometimes i get angry. sometimes even though i try so hard to control it i still feel angry. at people at things at myself. seems like i haven't adequate mastery of myself. horrible. i'll get angry and after it passes and the rational part of the mind takes over i'll feel like a complete dolt. sigh. me dolt. imagine that. ah well.

i can feel the diarrhoea coming.

the monster on my face is not a pimple

sigh.

er... right.

Jessica Rabbit


Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
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burp.

you people are disturbing. i am disturbed by what you people are doing. tsk. why are you traumatizing me? why are you tormenting me? how will i live with myself after this? you people are really disturbing. i don't know whether to be amused or flattered or distressed. my psychological makeup does not allow me to be flattered.
when i post poems written by other people i'll give them credit.

methinks i need to study more. whatever i'm doing now is just not enough. hmph.

bead bracelets.

books.

sleep.

traveller

we sit, in worlds parallel
hurtling toward a distant storm.
you did not notice me;
i tried to catch your gaze.
a sense of futility.
and to what avail?
[perhaps i'd thought someone else was you]
i am reminded, once again, of my own inadequacies.
the crowd thickens between us, conversation swirls,
fills this dusty morning.
i think of long ago, of times grey and blue
and vitreous humour purple,
lost in a snowstorm of forgotten places,
locked under a bell jar.

we slow down, stop.
you walked out into the day,
oblivious to the darkness you
left behind.

wireless!

i got my laptop back!
and i'm using the school wireless for the first time. (bit late, i know)
SO EXCITING!
mwahahaha... i'm a bit high now.

hmmm just ate lunch. so i'm not hungry now. heh.

the wonders of technology....
(i haven't said this in a long time)

|madness|

why am i always hungry?
i always reach school hungry. perhaps that's cos i don't eat breakfast.
but i'm hungry every 3 or so hours.
maybe it means i have high metabolic rates meaning i have overactive mitochondria meaning i'll have a long life.. thanks, mum.

headachey headache

hmmm blog revamp.

using this unoriginal template till i feel energetic enough to destroy it properly.. i know it's too pink and hardly obsidian... sigh. but it's the most appealing one (at the moment).... whatever. bleh. me in comp lab now... prac ended early so decided to waste some time here and print some stuff as well... my poor laptop has been hospitalised again. sigh. hopefully it'll be fully cured this time.
just sent email to Anne-Marie from Quebec. soo eggciting. perhaps email is the only way for me to practise my french now... heh. i'm in the midst of another french craze-phase. it's a sinusoidal thing.

alien vs predator.
quite a nice movie... was expecting it to be all action and... all action, but turns out it has quite an ok storyline. (ok i know i'm slow the whole world watched this years and years ago) heh. i dun care, i think predator has nice hair (hair-structures). bleh. yummy movie. (er...) but why do movies like to throw sudden LOUD sounds at people? ok i know it's supposed to be dramatic and suspenseful and all that, but i... oh fine, i'm a scaredy-cat. meow. i don't like sudden loud things. so there. =p

more crap:
secret club! (in its infancy) shhh... hahaha... track the growth of this child of boredom and too-much-time-so-we'll-waste-some !!!

think i'll go home and pig out and read and sleep...