sporadic

i refuse to go online at home.
so here i am in school. after GE. wasting time before i have to get my butt down to Lasalle for rehearsal. wonder what's for dinner today. shall see. forage.

the way i see it, either everyone's having exams or everyone's hating me. hmmm. who knows.

blaaah... holidays are boring. lessons are ok so far. the stuff is quite basic. er very basic in fact. hope they get more interesting soon. hmm today was the third lesson and we're at Baroque, finally. haha. the first two lessons were about sound and listening and er... intervals dynamics texture (briefly) and stuff like that. yeowch. the exam's mostly memory work i think. and my brain always spoils before exams... too bad lar. bleah.
somehow, even with GE and rehearsals and enough music to kaboink my brain, i'm still finding the holidays boring. there doesn't seem to be anything super interesting to do, nowhere super interesting (that doesn't cost bombs) to go to.. etc. i've been waking up relatively late in the mornings and sitting there the whole day rotting and sneezing. not very healthy.

perhaps i was constructed this way. i think i'm not very sedentary. i have to move. i need to see places, be in places. i cannot live my life in a single city. just restless. and restlessness is unhealthy and it can cause threadbare carpets. (not that i have any)

fall colours in Singapore... means darker coloured clothes, i suppose. the lameness. sigh.

well, till the next time i blog (monday, wednesday or friday?)...
bleurgh.

now i can die happy

this made my day. (stole it from miko.) =)

excretio

hmm i suppose i scared off all potential commentors with that last post. shrug.

now that exams are over... it's time to feel bored again. not that i wasn't already bored before them exams. well... hm i think i'm not in that bad a mood now... certainly better than the last time i posted, but there is residual stuff. and i'm not exactly elated/ecstatic/hyper happy. whatever. but it's a start, is it not. exams were ok, i guess. stats was freaky, and so was the physio paper. hmm.

dry cough.

today is saturday. tomorrow is sunday. 2 days of 'holidays' before going back to school again. but i asked for it lar. taking electives during the inter-semestral period. hmmm. but at least the exams will be over by xmas and i can have another week or so of holidays before school starts. bleurgh. i think i is sounding weird. what's wrong.

hm me hungry. shall go look for food.
somebody make me exercise.

affirmation

music: my immortal :: evanescence (fascinated with that piano fill-in. and the bridge)

i shouldn't have assumed. even though i didn't know enough. even though i didn't know anything at all. just shouldn't have assumed anything at all. then again, it's not considered presumptuous if i'd just left things open, is it? a whole string of unanswered questions. unknowns. how could i have kept it up for 9 hours straight. perhaps my imagination is overactive. bad habit. self-destruction. i'm just devastating myself. shrug. crying public isn't a good idea either. so i didn't. later. lysozymes are good bacteria killers.

i think i need intellectual stimulation. of the interesting, engaging kind. have been deprived since i knew what good intellectual stimulation was. ... since primary school perhaps. USP is beginning to sound like a good (near-fetched) idea, haha. where's my time machine...? wishful thinking. laugh at me if you want. can't care less. well. wishes... some other day.

i don't think i see how praying for me will help me do better in my exams. or help me feel better about them in the first place. oh it's not supposed to help me do better in my exams! (etc) argue it whatever way you want. it's okay, i'm okay. you don't have to feel like you're obliged to do anything for me. i mean, you didn't use to do this, and it's fine! ah well. but do go ahead if it makes you feel better about yourself. please don't say you're sorry for me because i'm going to hell. save it. i've had people say that to me before and i must say it's rather unnecessary.
pardon me, but i don't even want to see any comments regarding this. please save it, people. thank you for your concern.

5 more days before my last paper. stats. hm. have to get my calculator fixed before then. it died this afternoon when i was trying to work out the specific activity of mystery protein number 34769-573. sigh.

disillusion includes politics today. every day.

i want... chords that make me feel happy. maybe eventually i'll learn enough to make my own. hey wait... i can make chords that make me happy (!) ... i just don't know what they're called. ah never mind. too lazy to get the harmony thing right.
shrug.

today...

i want ice-cream.

sigh.

two papers down. three more to go...
i'm traumatized by exams. as always. exams are... time-consuming. shrug.
sigh.

it's kind of nice to sit somewhere in the heart of the city at night. perhaps with people, perhaps alone. it's amazing how quiet the city can be in the evenings. i think when i have more time after the exams i'll hide myself somewhere among the buildings and while time away... hmmm the rooftop place at the esplanade is very nice too... especially now that there's plants there and it's called a rooftop garden (as opposed to rooftop terrace).. yup. nice nice nice.

but don't get the wrong idea. i'm in a bad mood.

the day before i die

exams begin (for me) tomorrow.
sigh.
i'm so going to die.
granted all the modules and topics and what-not's are all very happening and nice and exciting and interesting... but there's just too damn much to retain in my puny brain (brain shrinks when exams near)... sigh. die die die.

ah well... see you in a bit.

reminder to myself: i will visit Macedonia one day.