on getting there.

i know, me being me, i have limited choices perhaps, and many doors are already closed to me. people ask me what i'm studying. people ask me what my plans are. do i plan on going for postgrad studies? what am i going to do after i graduate? study more? work? as what? i have no idea how to answer these questions. perhaps it's not so much because i have no plans or dreams for the future. perhaps it's because it depends on not what i want but what i can achieve. what can i do? what am i capable of? i cannot hope to find something somewhere removed from the ranks of (unhealthy) competition, something that does not place tremendous emphasis on academic achievements, something ideal to me. (possibly because such things do not exist) perhaps it's just unfortunate that the things i'm interested in involve daunting prerequisites. i can't very well change my mind about what i'm interested in, can i. no, i refuse to. and so every now and then i'm faced with this whole lot of doubt and uncertainty and disillusionment and i find myself lost. at a loss. it's a cycle of depression... much like the song cycles of old. the incessant melody of sadness.

+++

-Death and Life (and some of the bits in between)-
well somehow i'm glad the concert is over... now i'll have no more excuses not to hit the books (hard). it was an okay concert i suppose. i have the feeling the one on the 7th night of july will be better... shall wait and see. i certainly hope i can sell more tickets then. shrug.

i revived my fascination with dice

You are the rare, the overlooked, yet incredibly useful dodecahedron: the d12. You are a creative, romantic soul. You often act without thinking, but make up for your lack of plans with plenty of heart. You easily solve problems that stump others, but your answers tend to put you into even deeper trouble. You write long, detailed backgrounds for all your characters, and are most likely to dress up as one or get involved in cos-play. You can be silly at times and are easily distracted by your own day dreams, but are at the end of the day you're someone who can be depended on.

hmmm think i gave away all the funky dice i bought at NIE...
snitched this quiz from elysa's bloggie, by the way... =)

i love this picture! =) jh looking his most gay (yet) and connor with a missing arm! such a happy picture... *goofy grin* this photo is worth about a million dollars cos to see jh smile like that is comparable to finding a rose in the asteroid belt. or something. hahahaa. i shall say this for everyone to hear: jh is CUTE! =) yay.

Third!

today may be considered a special day. duh it is lar.
but i suppose the commemoration itself is kind of nominal. a formality, even. or an excuse to spend more money than usual.
well... things didn't exactly begin 3 years ago on this day. things didn't begin at whenever people thought it did, either. shrug. it was rather fun knowing that all the whatever speculations people had were all wrong. haha. little things keep adding up... there are so many that i can't really keep track of all of them anymore. come to think of it, it's quite amazing isn't it. hahaha. gila liao. i would say more here if i were the type to do that. lalala. *cryptic* right.

feel like a pig...
think my butt is expanding at an ever-increasing rate... sigh.

for the record, i ate
nice chee cheong fun
nice lamb chop with herbs and spicy tomato from country manna (+ soupe + garlic bread + whipped potato)
nice chocolates from the max brenner chocolate bar (praline+caramel, praline+darkchoc, darkchoc+wild flower honey, darkchoc+mintyminty)
nice mango (tea) frappucino from starbucks
nice dinner at home

all in one day.

watched Robots today (took time from all that eating)... nice and cute movie! funny and exciting. haha. yay. concluded that the animators were too bored with the usual stuff... they went all out and did all sorts of mad things with the characters and most of everything else... haha. it's very cool. lalalalalalaa...

i'm very happy today!
*boink*

my arm has jaundice

grand opening!
after 3 years of planning (mostly deciding whether it was worth it to build the thing in the first place) and surveying and building (most of actual building happened in the past few weeks) the underground castle is finally done. yay. i daresay there'll be more branches in the future. maybe... hmmm as is usual with this sort of occasion, it's time to reflect.. (switches on mirror fields)

hmmm. i suppose these 3 years have been interesting, to say the least. (do i have to say more...) well. i suppose we've had our share of good times and bad times (clichéd)... and of course lots of fun. bleah. i'm really bad at this. sigh. i can't really give a super detailed account of the past 3 years here can i... it'll take forever... and all the bandwidth. haha. bleh. just want to say that... (it's late and my brain isn't working..) we've travelled quite a long way (by modern standards) and having a travelling companion like you sure makes the journey much more worthwhile. =) thanks dear.
[ok i think i'm disgusting myself, i'm not being normal. sigh]


UC @ubin. =)


UC @sentosa

bon anniversaire.

happenings...

in reverse order (from today).

hmm just came home from a secret shopping trip to get secret birthday presents for secret people... hahaha. *shhh* saw a little kitty at orchard road. poor kitty. a bit paranoid. i'd be too, if i'm confronted with thousands of feet stomping all around me.

went to ww's house late last night... to shock him... apparently we couldn't wait to let him know he's getting OLD... haha. thanks em and col for driving us there. =p thanks benkoh for sending us home. (note to em: ben doesn't live next block from me lar, more like 2? blocks away. hahaha) lalala... quite fun... was thinking this same group of people will gather whenever one of us has a birthday or something... kinda. blah blah blah. ww has 4 huge luohanyu(s) -- the member of the ciclid family with the forehead problem. ah well. think we woke quite a few people up with all the noise... but who cares. hahaha.

wednesday. went cycling at p.ubin with jh and moo. fun fun fun. found out that my legs have become quite useless... since the last time i used them... sigh. me has become a lazy piggy. bad sign. but anyway the trip was quite slack i think... we stopped here and there and nua-ed here and there. haha. got attacked by a million mosquitoes though. super mosquito. my invisibility shield repellent also not enough. bleahh...
anyways.


newest branch. ubin. + sexy legs (guess whose?) for advertising purposes =)
grand opening : 16 march 2005
=)

in other news... my funky bruise has become more spectacular.

teehee.... naked (kind of) at the beach! *hides*

info overload is fun

sigh.

eek. hmmm. wonders what's happening under my skin now... hmm. wonder when it'll turn purple, when phagocytosis is taking place (all the time i suppose), when the erythrocytes will lyse, when haemoglobin will get converted.... boink.
this is what i'm rubbing on my funky bruise every day. well.

-
Hirudoid Cream contains 0.3% w/w, (equivalent to 25,000 units per 100 g) of the local anti-coagulant drug heparinoid in a white, vanishing-cream base.

Hirudoid Cream also contains the following inactive ingredients:Anhydrous eucerine, E 216, E 218, emulsifying cetostearyl alcohol, glycerol, isopropyl alcohol, myristyl alcohol, potassium hydroxide, stearic acid, thymol, purified water.

Hirudoid Cream is a local anti-coagulant preparation which, when applied to the skin, relieves pain and inflammation in addition to promoting healing in superficial thrombophlebitis (inflammation of the veins) and bruising (including haematoma).
-

hirudoid cream. active ingredient heparinoid. similar to heparin. ooh ok.

shrug.

-

perhaps depression.
perhaps a lack of sleep.
perhaps disappointment.
perhaps a lack of vitamin K.
perhaps a lack of iron.
perhaps mutiple physical defects.
perhaps Bernoulli effect.
perhaps ovulation.
perhaps...
whatever.

Chlorohexidine (Avidene) : in comparison to alcohols, the antibacterial activity of chlorohexidine gluconate is not as rapid, but the drug remains chemically active for 5 to 6 hours, longer than any other currently used preparation; one advantage of chlorohexidine gluconate over alcohols is that it retains antibacterial action in the presence of blood and other orgainic material.

Chlorohexidine has a wide spectrum of antibacterial activity, good residual activity and low systemic absorption and toxicity. CHD is available as acetate, gluconate, or hydrochloride salts.CHD diacetate, as a 0.05% aqueous solution, significantly reduces bacterial populations in a contaminated wound without increasing tissue inflammation. CHD has a long residual activity, even in the presence of organic matter, as it binds to proteins in the stratum corneum leaving a persistent residue for at least 48 h. Higher concentrations result in compromised wound epithelialisation, granulation tissue formation and wound contraction, and decreased tensile strength. CHD diluted in electrolyte solutions results in formation of a precipitate within 4 h but the precipitate does not delay wound healing or affect the efficacy of CHD as an antiseptic. Gram-negative organisms, such as Proteus, Serratia and Pseudomonas, have developed a resistance or have an inherent resistance to CHD. In vitro studies have shown that 0.05% CHD is 100% lethal to Staphylococcus intermedius, epidermal cells and fibroblasts. In vitro comparisons are not reliable indicators of in vivo efficacy as bacteria have developed better mechanisms for survival in an abnormal environment and host cells in cell cultures are more susceptible to toxic insults. CHD can cause acute contact dermatitis, syno-vitis and synovial ulceration if used as a joint lavage, and ototoxicity if used to lavage the middle ear.

oh.

hehehe so cute. *kaboink*

thief

guess what? i'm using someone's wireless now. hahaha. i have no idea whose... but my lappie could detect and connect to it... hahaha. so exciting. my sister just lvl up her maple character... boing. well... for the first time i play MS at home. mwahahaha. the wonders of fast cxns.

bleh.

then again, i make a bad thief.
think i should sleep early tonight.
zzz...