fat jx

think i ate too much. as usual... brain not working now. brain cannot cope with paragraphs. making all sorts of typos and grammarrrr mistakes.. and i DO NOT make grammar mistakes. hmph. so sad. embarrassing like dunnowhat... anyway today was nice... met up with some people from my batch from HC band... yay... er.. i feel like a pig now. overfed and lazy and the rest of it... please refer to jh's blog for a bit more details. *splat*

anyway guys i'm glad to have met up with you! =] seeya soon!

[my french is dying!]

at the botanic gardens today.... (in no particular order)

green green green. yay. =p

spot the squirrel! haha too bad it scampered away before i could take another picture of it... sighz... anyway it was a real cutie! =)

someone's pretty hand... so tofu right haha.. =)

pathetic smudge of a rainbow... but i suppose i shld be thankful that i saw one...hahahaa...

i love this... one of my favourites for today. =)

funky white fungus... haha... pretty.

funky fungus! wheeee...

dance dance dance =)

[dybbuk]

new word i learnt today.
(mainly because i was kaypoh and looked up its meaning)

was digging through my collection of notebooks.
i have many many notebooks. i can't bear to throw the used ones away (those that contain rubbish) and i can't bear to start using new ones. sigh. dug up some old scribblings. nothing much. just reminds me of how unproductive i've been since whenever. shrug.

getting a Gackt overdose. as usual. too bad i love his voice. bleh. >_<

after a day of sitting at home i finally managed to get my disappointment and depression under control. after a few false starts and tears, no less. but well. tomorrow is another day. with its own nasty surprises. shrug.

[obsidian peridot amethyst aventurine]

recapitulation 2

we sit, in worlds parallel
hurtling towards a distant storm.
you did not notice me;
i tried to catch your gaze.
a sense of futility.
and to what avail?
[perhaps i'd thought someone else was you]
i am reminded, once again, of my own inadequacies.
the crowd thickens between us, conversation swirls,
fills this dusty morning.
i think of long ago, of times grey and blue
and vitreous humour purple,
lost in a snowstorm of forgotten places,
locked under a bell jar.

we slow down, stop.
you walked out into the day,
oblivious to the darkness you
left behind.

[05 september 2004]

recapitulation 1

i close my eyes in the darkness, trusting
someone will take my
outstretched hand,
lead me away
from this distasteful reality, give me
something for deep
dreamless sleep. what a lot of
hope to place on someone.

attempt.
forcing words out, not caring
whether they radiate any beauty.
not caring if there is anyone to hear me,
if anyone understands.

looking at the setting sun today, i
realise it is my 7053rd.
have i really been alive that long?

days pass without a sound.
we each of us walk pass one another
without any acknowledgement, any
recognition. i am a small being
in a big world, part of a larger purpose.

you think i am emotionally sound, strong.
perhaps you do, and perhaps i am,
perhaps not. sometimes harmless little
things can gouge deep gashes in me.
just sometimes.

touch is, i believe, a form of assurance,
reassurance; beauty is in the
eyes of the beholder.

the schrödinger equation can be solved
exactly for a single particle
in one-dimensional motion.
i remain unsolved.

[22 october 2003]

a string of disappointments

oh how i hate the feeling of being left with no choice. damn you, Murphy.

goals. and goalposts.

time to set some goals.
and stick to them.
puny goals.
short-term goals.
long-term goals.
don't think i'll be posting them whatever here.
perhaps later.
haha.
but i really wonder where the goalposts are.
hm.
i hope i get somewhere.
i hope we get somewhere.
sigh.

Rendez-vous à Paris.
séjour. sojourn.
*ponders*

barrage

1. L'Oréal Elsève Anti-Frizz Serum!
yes. product for my poor hair.

2. Arsenal vs ManU!
happening right now. i wonder which team will prevail...

3. Cheap toothbrushes!
3 for $1. time to make those bracelets.

4. Art Museum on Fridays!
TGIF! free entrance in the evening. wheee. too bad there's nothing super interesting there now.

5. 3 Notebooks!
from TIMES bookshop. pwetty. wheeee. finally i bought notebooks.

6. Instant Passport-size Photos from Booth!
yep, the first time i took passport-size photo from booth thingy! so exciting. turns out better than those from studios... cos i can actually see myself the moment before they take the picture... wheeee...

7. Extreme Introversion
something is very wrong with me. think it's some deeply ingrained psychological barrier. i don't know how to get rid of it. force myself to do something i'm so scared of i can't even imagine myself doing it. shrug. sadness. sigh i always lose. zzz.

8. I WaNtS to LearnS Japaneseeeee.
so there.

Rendez-vous à Paris.

on a un rêve d'aller visiter paris ensembles, tout seul.
mais cette possibilité elle n'existe pas?
on doit ouvrir les yeux les portes les fenêtres, pour mieux voir les chemins qui mènent vers des coins sur la terre où on ne se sentira pas étranger..
un rêve qui attend sa propre réalisation.

[i like the cranberry+apple thingy from Florida's Natural... wheee.... yummy..]

fairy queen

une reine de fées par la fenêtre... elle manque un pied.. mais avec sa baguette magique elle me donne des rêves très beaux.. [j'espère] =)

lightning

hmm had an interesting couple of days...

went cycling on friday with mf, quite fun.. little coconuts and funky seashells and cranberryapple juice. am now sunburnt... sigh i need to get out more. besieged by weird aches in the leg. ah well. exercise is important.

went woodlands lib with joyjoy today (=saturday). browsed, mainly. got to taste exotic fig from gelare finally, though it was slightly overpowered by the rum from the other flavour. haha. well exotic fig tastes... exotic. kind of. then took bus 161 to bfland. met fatt and his gf in the queue for bus. heh. so cute one, the two of them. well. anyway. went bfland collected bf and went changi beach. green seaweed washed ashore. lots of it. with wildlife intact, in some parts. some of them looked quite scary at first... especially since they were still alive and moving around. oozing around, more like it. yup. have yet to decide what that organism is. hmm. had dinner at changi village. yum yum yum. =] took some nice photos too. yay. and yes i wore my irritating kiddy bright green tshirt. everyone complains whenever i wear it.. (the last time was on St Pat's Day) but not jh. he actually likes the shirt. hahaha... anyways. fun! whee.

01h50 in the morning...
there is a huge butterfly in the corridor outside my hse.. seeking refuge from the rain i suppose. hopping around on the ground.. it's huge... brownish and white and grey, and it has the kind of nice interesting wings. yup. i think one of its wings is hurt though, looked a bit torn. ouch. that explains the hopping around i guess. hmm. poor thing.

bedtime. i'm beat.

the way a Selmer

sounds, and the way it feels
is something i have forgotten.
and it made me happy (shall refrain from going "wheeeeeee!") for a few hours.

Of Sailors and Whales.
hmm perhaps i should go read Moby Dick.

happiness is ephemeral.

of candles, beads and GIG TOY

first things first.
lynette [po(r)n] has survived Eva Air! she's in the Garden State now... whee! i guess i'm so bored that i'm excited for her. haha. i'll be watching this space, in case she dedicates more photos to me. heh heh heh. what's wrong with the climate here. hmph.

went out with joyjoy today. Holland V is such a nice place. i should go there more often. haha. think i discovered a new obsession. beads. sigh see what results from this new craze. time to be arty.. hee. think i'll spend time experimenting with beadies tomorrow. haha. i bought some funky candles too.. i wonder when and where i'll use them, though. hmmm. (note to self: black candles)

haha i'm so distracted now... was chatting... now talking to lynette [po(r)n]. woo! so cool. communications. and the wonders of technology. hahaha... wheee... i like the feeling of being connected to many people in many countries. diao. ok i'm mad.

[je dois parler/écrire en français. sinon j'oublierai tous.]

splat

wonders if this works...
元気!
hahaha... wheeee..

so tired... i covered a lot of distance today.
from home to school to the airport to buonavista to town and back home again. wheee...

hmmm lynette is somewhere over the pacific ocean now, i suppose... hee. so exciting. hope she has loads of fun in the US... and buys me many prezzies. mwahahha...

too lazy to blog...
zzz...
おやすみ... =)

storm on a sunny day

was too lazy to blog yesterday.

played bball at serangoon with cousins mellie and lynette, myra (mellie's cousin), ben and amy (mellie's church friends). one of those neighbourhood-downstairs basketball court affairs. had a lot of fun, especially since i rediscovered the geometry of goal-shooting, thanks to lynette (she's on her school team, cannot blame me)... so i started earning points after a numerous minutes of bewilderedness (i'd forgotten how to play bball, after not having played it for years)... haha. after bball we went to east coast park, by which time our little party had grown to ten people. saw for myself how BIG a toyota estima was... haha. well... we played 'monkey' and captain's ball while little melody had some quality time with mom, sand and trowel. =) and i stuffed my ankle down a hole in the ground. (see below) hmph. anyway. had fun. it's really nice to lie down on the beach and look up at the blue sky, an experience made complete by the soothing sound of breaking waves. hmmm... *daydreams* well. after the beach we went for dinner at old airport road, then back to mellie's house (by then the car was much heavier) for a brief transit while we wait for transport home. hahaha.. fun, despite the incredible humidity. a day i didn't spend on my butt.

let me make a list of (my) body parts that are aching...

1. head
2. arms
3. legs
4. butt

because i need regular exercise.

5. right ankle

hmm right ankle because i think i managed to sprain/twist/blah it again yesterday. sigh. the ligament must look like some half-dead rubber band now. hmph. WHY. why does this ankle have an affinity for holes/depressions in the ground? blarh.

today.
went to kk's house (because i didn't want to go to town and waste money haha).. to do what? play ps2. some dunnowhat dynasty warrior thingy. no need brain just anyhow kill enemies one... ok, it was set during the times of the three kingdoms... but the story doesn't really matter. heh. then what else? watched MIIB. sigh. something i've already watched like 3 times. hahaha. i suppose we were that bored. madness. and i ate junk food. how to convert fat at this rate? Sigh.

wonders...
if jh is ok.
if lynette's too excited to sleep tonight.
if i can find a job.
if..