ok, not everyone hates jx

this post is for emmie
and everyone who cares

thank you =)

everyone hates jx

i cannot afford to make any mistakes.
at all.

fatness

hello.
i'm back.
checked my results.
blah.

thanks jh for coming to the airport, even though i never told him which flight i'd be on. [jh is a stalker] scandalous... jh airport cleaner. jh baggage handler. haha. had dinner with jh and jeremy and zx. at the paulaner munchen place at millenia walk. [i'm too lazy to do the accents] food's quite nice. and expensive. occasional indulgences. =p

beijing is a nice place, once you manage to overlook the smog and the horrendous traffic and the smokers everywhere and the somewhat boring/ugly looking modern buidings [i'm fine with the old ones]. haha. coldness is quite fun too. frozen rivers and ponds and puddles everywhere. heh. ducks huddled in the middle of frozen pond looking bewildered is cute sight. amusing.

oh well i'm not going to relate the whole journey here... just... somehow i was really happy to see kokokrunch at the cereal bar during breakfast in bangkok. [not to mention chocolate croissants] =p

zzzz

frustration -- i rant

when will people stop treating me like i'm stupid.
not a day goes by without me being insulted.
when will people stop treating me like i'm stupid. when will they stop seeing me as this creature with a handicapped personality. shall i spell it out for you, you idiots. i'm actually capable of emotion. surprise surprise. i'm not stupid. i'm not deaf, not dumb, not ugly. i'm as much of a person as you are, and much more. sheesh.
am i very scary?
are you people so used to me being colourless that when i speak you get the shock of your lives and you see it necessary to put me in my "rightful place"? by sending me emails that insult my intelligence and integrity, no less. seems like i can't even joke around you. now, isn't that cause for sadness? enough is enough.
is real friendship impossible? ha. same-gender friendships = rivalry? opposite-gender friendships = there is no such thing? i am so disgusted. to think i was happy at the way that day turned out. how silly i must have been. laugh at me, LOR.
i am so frustrated i can cry. not like it matters.
why is it ok to insult me? probably because it's me. unimportant. nvm.
after so many years i'm still frustrated by these things. silly. but i can't help being angry at this whole whachamacallit. i should kill my individuality and remember that when i speak to a guy it means i'm trying to woo him. *screams in frustration*
i should just give up.
anyway i'll be away for the next 10 days or so. in china for the most part. i hope i freeze and die.

unexpected outcomes

For some reason, the people around me on public transport today seemed extra-irritating and silly and stupid and what-not. It seemed that they were deliberating trying to irritate me. Getting in my way. Sheesh. I didn't hear a single intelligent word all the way from home to school. Sadness. I don't intentionally overhear what other people say; I can't help hearing when they speak at that volume. Bleah.

Anyway, I went to school, paid my fees, tried not to faint from hunger, decided to eat in school because I didn't fancy fainting, decided Not to eat in school because I saw someone I know at the canteen and I wasn't in the mood to be sociable... Yes, it looked like an anti-people day. Then I ran into Nicholas on the bus out of school. Talked a bit, mostly about band and nothing much. Ended up taking the train with him to Bugis. Ended up having lunch with him as I was early. And hungry. Ate some pasta because it was crowded everywhere else. Hmm. I guess talking to Nicholas was warm-up, and the food helped some, because I was decidedly less anti-people after lunch.

The "meeting-up" with Jon was a surprise. When he asked me out, I was quite apprehensive about it, but I have to say it turned out a lot better than I'd expected it to. I'd thought it would be awkward and weird and uncomfortable, but we ended up chatting happily and walking from Bugis to Arab Street and back again. Phew. Bought a pair of slippers from X:odus. It came in a black bag with a Huge PINK bow on it. And he happily carried it for me. Haha. It was a nice outing, all in all, despite my antisocial mood earlier. Ha.

I want more earrings!
More metal metal earrings. Bleh.

the potato of doom

Haven't been blogging because of tired feet.
Right.
Watched the entire Full Metal Alchemist in 3 days. Ouch.
It was nice. Interesting.

Anyway, the concert on Sunday was quite fun, partly because I was amused by the screaming crowd. Easy-to-please audience. Maybe cos it was mostly students. Hahaha. I had fun. Thanks to everyone who attended. Mwah.

The decapitation of jelly babies.

nebulous reality

paper boat
sailing down the swollen waters of man-made canals
carrying dreams of a forgotten tomorrow
slowly getting heavier
slowly sinking
surely

~

halfway to ithaca, patagonia, nostalgia

~

have some berries

raspberry
blueberry
strawberry
blackberry
lingonberry
cranberry
cowberry
gooseberry
boysenberry
bilberry

not all are true berries.