Bonjour. こんにちは。
It’s been a long time. Hmm…
The last time I’d blogged properly was… 10 May. Disgusting.
What have I done since then…
Well, the concert frenzy just ended for me. Singapore Arts Festival. 3 June. It was interesting… concerts always are. =p the reviews were, frankly, irritating. Mainly because they were written by people who either don’t know wind orchestra music, or don’t know music at all. Sounded so.. shallow and bimbotic. Everyone was horrible except for the soloist and that’s because he was good-looking. Haha. Idiotic lar. But at least we got reviewed. So it’s a start. … bwah. eh… I’ll just sum the concert experience up in a single word: exciting. I don’t feel energetic enough to elaborate much more haha. There are too many things to say if I decide to say them.
Concert.
Some days before the concert…
Sent jh and kk [separately] off to Mother France. Lucky… [suddenly I feel like saying lucky bitches but it sounds out of character] them. jh has been honing his skills as a voyeuristic photographer. In France, no less. But as long as he doesn’t Participate I’m fine with it. Bwahaha. And apparently he was so bored he took a photo of himself pretending to be a plant. Blah. Try harder, dear. I mean, don’t try so hard, dear.
Right now I’m working at the Marketing Institute Of Singapore. Somewhere near Plaza Singapura. Right next to Rendezvoux Hotel in fact. For the first time in my life I’m working in an office. Doing admin things. Actually, more like I was among the cheap temp labour they hired to clear backlog. Ah well. Can’t say much about efficiency when it comes to my immediate superior, or slave-driver. Because I still can’t figure out what he’s busy with. Maybe I’m stupid. But then I think I have a good idea of what’s going on even though I’ve only been working there for about 9 days. Shall not say much here in case there are nanobots hiding in the comp… hahaha. Bleh. The good/bad thing about work [namely excel] is that it makes time pass so quickly. It doesn’t feel like I’ve done much but suddenly it’s lunchtime and then just as suddenly it’s time to knock off. Tsk.
And.
Last week. was a taxing one. It was a week of revelation. I’d learnt things I wish I don’t know. But it’s too late, knowledge is irreversible. I think I’m not a person who’s unaware… hence I guess when I learnt things that are unknowable unless one occupies a specific position in circumstance I take a few days to discover. Dear readers, you don’t have to wonder what I’m talking about. Or if you can’t function without at least a poke in the right direction, here it is: why is it so difficult to work happily with people? [as a colleague aptly puts it: I can’t stand people! … =p]
Last week. I received an SMS in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. It was from Dawn, a classmate and friend from JC. Partly because I was half-asleep/awake and partly because I didn’t expect that she’d SMS me at all, I read the message through for like 10 times before I understood what the words were trying to tell me. Then I didn’t know what to feel. Yes, I suppose by now everyone who reads the papers would have known that Lena has passed away. I will not go into the details anyone who doesn’t know can just go read the papers. Her life ended too soon. Yet… memories linger on. The papers talk about Lena’s numerous achievements in school and outside school. [if you read the papers carefully you’ll noticed they talked about how Lena turned vegan after watching a video about “animal-torture”… well I watched the same video in the same classroom at the same time, our entire class did. … but it’s a detail I expect no one to understand]. And various things like that. What they couldn’t have known was what she meant to each and every one of her friends. The people who’ve known her. The people who’ve talked to her. The people who grew up with her. Different people from different walks of life, united briefly due to shared interests, common goals and friendship. United, separated. So many young people were at her wake, so many familiar faces. I’d met a classmate from NTU there, she was surprised to see me but at that time I wasn’t in any mood to be amazed or interested at the ever-expanding web of connaissance. But yes, things like these are often amazing. If you know me well enough you’ll know my obsession with such things. Commonly known as coincidence. But not to me. … I don’t profess to be a close friend of hers; we weren’t regularly in touch or anything. Yet. Somehow I do have rather strong memories of her. And in all my memories of her she was smiling. Her cheerfulness was infectious. And. Due to divine intervention, or magic, or something, besides being my classmate in JC she was also my classmate in kindergarten. 12 years apart. The day we “discovered” that fact was one I’ll never forget. Also the day after that where we brought photos of our silly end-of-year performance and compared and laughed over them in [it was probably GP] class. My mother remembers her from those kindergarten days. Magical things. Amazing how people’s paths cross... and uncross. As though in accordance to some greater plan, as though randomly. I curse my not-good-enough memory. Sigh. But what I remember of Lena will stay with me for a long, long time. Goodbye, my friend.
It’s been a whole week of messed-up feelings. I really have no idea what to feel. Perhaps it’s just me being stupid. After all that rambling I discover I have no words to describe the way I feel. Perhaps the words will come, someday. Life still goes on, but is it right for it to do so? Isn’t something very wrong with that? Isn’t something very wrong with breathing eating sleeping working reading shopping hearing seeing talking thinking wondering feeling? I really wonder.
Anyway.
That’s all for now.
I’ll blog again when I find my feelings.
